Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
