i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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