I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need to calm my uterus...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
