and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
