Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
