before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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