i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
