Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
