The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
