My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize