im drinking this country out of the recession.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
