From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
