she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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