so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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