For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize