6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
