In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I smell like Dick and happiness
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
