I'm lost and stupid without you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
