oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
