she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
