Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
