We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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