hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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