clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
