can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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