Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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