My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
