So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
