I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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