I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
