I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
