I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
