That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
