So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
