had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
