i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
