Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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