You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
