someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
