I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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