can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
youre lurking in front of me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
