I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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