The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He shit in the fireplace
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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