Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
