My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
