last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize