so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
