I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
