No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
