she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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