u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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