im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I believe in your delicious
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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