I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
