I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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