I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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