I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
two words: eviction party
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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