Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
