I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
