I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
