I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
