I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
