Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize