Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
