he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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