we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
