If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize