New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
