I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
