If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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