you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
