Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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