He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need moral support for this bender
They took my balls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
