Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
