Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
