I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
