She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
