Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
