Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
