I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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