I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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