i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
