'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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