The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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