I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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