when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
