So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
