the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
