Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
