Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
