i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
