Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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