dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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