I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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