This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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