The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
