I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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